Dretpus

Voices of an Angel

2005-09-25T04:32:26Z

Whispers in the dark of night,
While lying next to me.

Loving words of encouragement,
When I thought all was lost.

Soothing coos to ease my fears,
When nightmares claimed my mind.

And a laughter to lighten my heart,
When the pressure of the world held it down.

My Angel

2005-09-25T04:10:27Z

Memories of my Beautiful Wife.

I wish I could have found the path to Heaven so many years ago. Even if I had to end my life and make it a one way trip. It would have been worth it all just to have met my Angel then and have so many more happy memories of her. As it is I have many now that I cherish. I never realized that I was already in Heaven until my Angel left me. Now I still see her hovering above me in the sky just out of reach. Try as I might I will never be able to rise to her level. My only hope it to convince her to once again come back to me.

She once showed me visions of her memories. Pieces of her past. Happy times, sad time. It didn’t matter to me as long as she let me into those long ago thoughts.

She chased away my Demons, when they visited me late at night, as I was deep in sleep. Her touch wood sooth my racing heart. Her voice could ease my breathing. I would lie there in her arms and listen to her and know I was finally safe. Since she has been gone the Demons have returned.

I need her back in my life. Only I don’t know how to get her back. I am lost.

On the rocks

2005-09-14T07:12:24Z

Tierney and I are still married but separated at the moment. We went to con together and things seemed good. We wen out drinking together. She told me that she loved me and missed me and that she was happy. But after con was over it went bad again. I have found that she is talking to an old bf again and has told him that she wants to know if he would date her again. This crushed me. I need her in my life and she tells me that we are going to try. We are supposed to sit down and talk next week when she gets back from a trip to Fla. to visit some friends. She knows I am trying to get better and that I miss and love her. I have only my hope left that things will get better. That she will come back to me and the boys. That we will be able to get her son and all live together. I dream about her every night and think of her at least 5000 times a day. It seems that every some on the radio reminds me of her.

She is my world and the light in my sky.

I need her in my life more then she knows.

My insides are empty without her.

I am lost.

Fire

lost in the wirlwind of life

2005-08-09T16:13:21Z

I have needed to update this for a long time but I have no idea where to begin.

Last time was when Tierney and I were trying to work things out and get us straight. So let me fill you in on some things since then.

We did get back together, Got married on Jan. 14 but since we had not previously filed the official date was registered on Feb. 14 one month later. Got a place for just us to live. Things we going good for a while but when the money got tight she got upset more often. Her friends tell me that she has never been able to handle stress well. And with her being bi-polar and not on meds it was worse. We were evicted on the end of June because money was just too tight. She stressed out and left. I had to take care of most of her things for her so it would not get put on the street. We got back together and went to a counselor who gave us advice and instructions on what we needed to do. But we didn’t have the money to do them yet. As of July 30 she is gone again. Money again is a main factor for stress on both of us. Plus her mother was getting her to help move during the tax free weekend and we had made plans so of course I got upset when she didn’t come home to go shopping with me and the boys and lost my head. That was the last time the boys saw her. They have written her letters telling her how much they miss her and want to see her again but I really don’t think it will happen. I have seen her since then to deliver some of her clothes to her but each time she snaps at me and it starts over.

I have realized as of late that in this regard she acts just like my mom. That is why I always have an issue when we fight. I can no longer that the yelling. That is my issue and not hers but I am working on that. I have arranged for counseling for me to help me with my anger problem. I can only hope she finds the help she needs for her anger and find a way to get the meds she needs.

I had hoped I would wake up in my bed at the ripe old age of 90 and roll over to see her face. I have told her this and she like the thought but now she tells me she is gone.

She told me before we wed that marriage meant a lot to her and that she would never give up. (Wrong)
She told me she would go to counseling with me and do what they told us to get things worked out. We went to one session and she was told to get meds and go to anger management like me. But at the time we could not afford it and we were looking for a house so I put all my efforts into that. She took this to mean I gave up on the counseling and so she gave up on me.

I do love my wife very much. I love her son as well. She loves my boys and they her. So the only thing wrong here is she and I need to get our problems worked out. I don’t think I will ever have that chance. I cannot give up on her either way.

The confusing thing is that she told me she would send me money to help with my bills and go places with me and hang out. But that she was not coming back. Why would she do these other things if she didn’t want to work it out?

I am not asking you to tell me the answers, I just need to let this out and I cant talk to anyone. Most people don’t care enough to listen and those that do seem to be tired of listening to me. A few seem to really care but I no longer am close enough to them for them to help. So I am alone. And it seems soon that I will truly be alone again.

My heart breaks fresh each time I think of her which is about a thousand times a day.
I almost got drunk the other day to try and forget her but since I am diabetic I talked myself out of it and was just depressed for the day instead.

I think that is enough moping for now.

I'm worth $1,880,510.24!

2004-11-14T21:11:31Z

How much are you worth?

I'm gone

2004-10-03T06:09:08Z

As of 12:30 am this morning I spoke to Tierney and was told in her loud drunk fasion that we are through. She didn't want to come home cause she was drunk and having fun.
Thanks to her I am not allowed back at my mothers place, or my friends Chris' and also thanks to her I think I have lost my job.

I had planned to ask her to marry me on our 1 year anniversary which is in just over 2 weeks (16 days)or October 19,2004. I love her so much I don't know what to do.

I have no place to go, and have finally lost my mind.

Lost my mind

2004-10-02T05:34:46Z

T and I have be at ends as of late.
Now she has disappeared for 2 days and refuses to speak to me.
Looks like I may be moving soon.
She lost her job and with out her daily cash income to get me gas I cant work.

Some one please tell me what to do.

dretpus @ 2004-10-02T01:32:00

2004-10-02T05:32:19Z

Con is Gone

2004-09-10T03:42:16Z

Another year in the bag.

Ups and downs were abundant.

- fight with gf
- gf caused fight with old friend(but old friend jumped to conclusions without talking to me first.)
- forced to sleep on the floor due to car wreck and not being able to afford a room
- nervous break down

+ Got to meet and talk with Dr. Who(Peter Davidson)
+ got to sit and watch the masquerade instead of having to work it
+ was able to get my padawan to open up a bit and have fun. (dance, meet and talk to people, get buzzed)
+ seeing old friends
+ Running "are you a werewolf?"

bored

2004-07-29T16:40:55Z

Category X - The
Changeling

Witty, amusing and a bit weird, you're welcomed
into most social groups, even though you don't
'fit in' perfectly .

What Type of Social Entity are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Really...

2004-07-21T18:56:49Z

I am Judgement

Judgement can be a reminder that judgments are necessary; sometimes you must decide. At such moments, it is best to consider the matter carefully and then commit yourself without censure. If you are being judged yourself, learn from the process. Take what is of value, correct what needs correcting, but never lose sight of your worth.

For a full description of your card and other goodies, please visit LearnTarot.com

What tarot card are you? Enter your birthdate.

It has come to my attention

2004-07-18T08:19:55Z

He has an incurable std that makes you sterile and has potentially given it to petal and then me. Once she found out she took all my pain pills in an attempt to OD. Stay away from me or I WILL kill you.

Hatred for a former friend

2004-07-16T17:06:10Z

Billy if I ever see you again I cannot be responsible for my actions. I advise you to stay clear of me and mine. Do not speak to me, Call either of us, or write us. I gave you a chance to leave, that was your courtesy for being my friend for the last couple years. You will receive no such gestures in the future. This is not a joke. This is not a threat. You took from me the one thing I loved and wanted most. Karma will pay you for what you did, and so will I.

dretpus @ 2004-07-09T00:18:00

2004-07-09T04:19:53Z

Has it been that long?

2004-02-14T01:24:03Z

Here is another installment in the boring life of me.

Just over a month to go before I'm back looking for a job.

Birthday is soon.
No I'm not telling you when.
If you don't know you don't need to know.

Nation States goes on:
Back to a "Father Knows Best State"

The Empire of SilverThorne is a massive, safe nation, renowned for its punitive income tax rates. Its hard-nosed, cynical population of 1.71 billion are ruled by a mostly-benevolent dictator, who grants the populace the freedom to live their own lives but watches carefully for anyone to slip up.

It is difficult to tell where the omnipresent, corrupt government stops and the rest of society begins, but it juggles the competing demands of Education, Law & Order, and Defence. The average income tax rate is 93%, and even higher for the wealthy. A powerhouse of a private sector is dominated by the Automobile Manufacturing industry.

A cyber-war between file sharers and the music industry formats harddives accross the country, it is illegal to make racist remarks in public, scenic mountain valleys are flooded with water as damming projects get underway, and citizens are permitted to carry concealed handguns. Crime -- especially youth-related -- is totally unknown, thanks to the all-pervasive police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. SilverThorne's national animal is the Wolverine, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests, and its currency is the Golden Petal.

SilverThorne is ranked 4th in the region and 105,434th in the world for Largest Agricultural Sector.

my latest quiz...

2003-12-30T21:36:27Z

presented to me from one of my adoptive daughters
the demon of the the twins

My life is rated NC-17.
What is your life rated?

What a day

2003-11-22T19:11:52Z

here is the latest update from my Nation States game...

The Empire of SilverThorne is a massive, environmentally stunning nation, remarkable for its punitive income tax rates. Its hard-nosed, cynical population of 1.203 billion are ruled by a mostly-benevolent dictator, who grants the populace the freedom to live their own lives but watches carefully for anyone to slip up.

It is difficult to tell where the omnipresent, corrupt government stops and the rest of society begins, but it is mainly concerned with Education, although Defence and Law & Order are on the agenda. The average income tax rate is 58%. A powerhouse of a private sector is dominated by the Book Publishing industry.

The nation is currently revamping its entire education system, people are now classified as male, female, or genderqueer, convicted felons are forced into slavery for their crimes, and the government's religious works are headed by a New Age guru. Crime -- especially youth-related -- is totally unknown, thanks to the all-pervasive police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. SilverThorne's national animal is the wolverine, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests, and its currency is the Golden Petal.

SilverThorne is ranked 1st in the region and 21,069th in the world for Most Subsidized Industry.

Fun.

today is the ex's b-day
was tempted to call her and tell her happy b-day
then i thought why
she left me with no explination
i owe her nothing

to my angel and demon
luv you both

to my blond rebel
love you too

mama lola
finsh and make me proud

Strawberry
you and your bug are loved

Find your inner dragon

2003-10-25T18:38:45Z

A WHITE Dragon Lies Beneath!

My inner dragon is one of two harmonious dragons (the other is Black). On the inside I am the perfect example of balance, patience, power, and reclusive intelligence. Evil-doers beware; my breath weapon is a combination of fire and lightning. Even the nicest dragons can do some serious damage. Click the image to try the Inner Dragon Online Quiz for yourself.

If there ever was an apparition of balance, power and reclusive intelligence, your Inner Dragon is it. Whites are a fairly common dragon and are considered one of two harmonious dragons. Your antithesis is the evil Black Dragon. Together, you two embody the Yin and Yang concept of eastern religions (especially Taoism).

Though you might find that neat in passing, it's not really what a White is all about. You like to think things out, plot against enemies, and look down upon the world from the highest mountain peaks. Your favorable attributes are the Day, the Sun, reaching for spirituality, truth, a positive attitude, and helpful magic. Humans only need fear you when they stray into your domain without proper payment for passage. Of course, that payment would probably be a cake the size of a Volkswagen, but hey, if they wanted to move through your turf they should have brought it, right? If someone ever threatens you, your Inner Dragon would likely tell you to hit and run, or just plain run. If they really wanted a fight you'd be an impressive opponent, considering you pack a breath weapon combination of Fire and Lightning. Even the nicest dragons can do some serious damage.

News flash

2003-10-06T23:52:07Z

Just found out that the friend i was supposed to go to diner with tonite was shot in a shoot out last night on the job.He is a police friend, he is ok now but damn that was a shock to hear.

Im going to go out for drinks tonite with friends.
A lot has happened as of late and i think i need it.

update

2003-09-27T23:58:50Z

I put my resume out to get another job.
Looking at moving in nov to a great house.
Working with some friend to start my own business.
Car payments are one time again.
Got a great insurance deal.

Would trade it all for the girl.
Life goes on.
I feel ya kittenspeak.
And I love to make french toast.

And my latest update for NationStates

The Empire of SilverThorne is a huge, economically powerful nation, remarkable for its compulsory military service. Its hard-nosed, hard-working, cynical population of 879 million are ruled by a mostly-benevolent dictator, who grants the populace the freedom to live their own lives but watches carefully for anyone to slip up.

It is difficult to tell where the omnipresent, corrupt government stops and the rest of society begins, but it juggles the competing demands of Education, Law & Order, and Defence. The average income tax rate is 48%, but much higher for the wealthy. A powerhouse of a private sector is dominated by the Automobile Manufacturing industry.

Employers may fire workers without giving any reason, a large-scale revitalization of the education system is underway, high-income earners pay a 100% tax rate, and guns are banned. Crime -- especially youth-related -- is totally unknown, thanks to the all-pervasive police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. SilverThorne's national animal is the wolverine, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests, and its currency is the Golden Petal.

SilverThorne is ranked 5th in the region and 28,246th in the world for Largest Public Sector

i tried on of those quizes twice..

2003-09-26T17:24:58Z

once with just first name
<td bgcolor="#000000">Your Name</td><td bgcolor="#DDDDAA"></td></tr><td bgcolor="#000000">Astrological Sign</td><td bgcolor="#DDDDAA"></td></tr><td bgcolor="#000000">Angel Type</td><td bgcolor="#DDDDAA">Cherub</td></tr><td bgcolor="#000000">Wing Color</td><td bgcolor="#DDDDAA">Yellow with gold tips</td></tr><td bgcolor="#000000">Heavenly Weapon</td><td bgcolor="#DDDDAA">Wind Sword</td></tr>

Afterlife as an Angel by childdoll

Created with quill18's MemeGen!

and once with full name
<td bgcolor="#000000">Your Name</td><td bgcolor="#DDDDAA"></td></tr><td bgcolor="#000000">Astrological Sign</td><td bgcolor="#DDDDAA"></td></tr><td bgcolor="#000000">Angel Type</td><td bgcolor="#DDDDAA">Angel of Nature</td></tr><td bgcolor="#000000">Wing Color</td><td bgcolor="#DDDDAA">Purple</td></tr><td bgcolor="#000000">Heavenly Weapon</td><td bgcolor="#DDDDAA">Flaming sword</td></tr>

Afterlife as an Angel by childdoll

Created with quill18's MemeGen!

I'm Back again

2003-09-11T19:01:43Z

Got bored and I have had people tell me that they get nervous when I dont post so here I go.
I am alive.
There, are you happy?

Am dating again.
Hope you are happy.
But like everything else in life its complicated.
Nothing in my life is ever easy but it seems it is always worth the effort.
If I'm lucky I might have a chance to settle down for good in less then a year.
Wish me luck.

And just to have fun, here is the current status of my online country from Nation States

The Empire of SilverThorne is a huge, devout nation, notable for its compulsory military service. Its hard-nosed, hard-working, cynical population of 784 million are ruled by a mostly-benevolent dictator, who grants the populace the freedom to live their own lives but watches carefully for anyone to slip up.

It is difficult to tell where the omnipresent, corrupt government stops and the rest of society begins, but it juggles the competing demands of Education, Law & Order, and Defence. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 42%. A powerhouse of a private sector is dominated by the Automobile Manufacturing industry.

The alarmingly racist TV show 'Bigtopians Say the Darndest Things' is a hit, the mining industry is making inroads into environmentally sensitive areas, college students make ends meet by selling their kidneys, and the government's religious works are headed by a New Age guru. Crime -- especially youth-related -- is totally unknown, thanks to the all-pervasive police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. SilverThorne's national animal is the wolverine, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests, and its currency is the Golden Petal.

SilverThorne is ranked 3rd in the region and 44,987th in the world for Largest Cheese Export Sector.

Enjoy!

It has been too long

2003-08-23T19:30:54Z

Stayed with the rents for a short while but time to move on.
Step father and I get into it too much and one of us is going to kill the other if I stay.
So onward I go.

Having a lot of fun with the nero games.

Legynds is fucking me ove more then ever no that my ex-fiancee is dating the owner.
They attack me with everything they can trying to get me to quit.

Life sucks.

Why can't she just leave me alone?

I brought her into legynds and now she is taking that away from me.

Looking for another job as well.
Got an interview on monday.
Wish me luck.

I will post more here when I can.

What am I doing wrong this time?

2003-06-09T19:36:55Z

As of late I have had a few friends telling me that I need to relax.
And that I need to eat more.
They see me wasting away I guess but I'm just not like I used to be.
Changes have been made and I cannot go back to who or what I was.
They will just need to deal with the new me or move on to new friends.

Accept me for who I have become or leave me alone.
Recent changes in my life have caused me to harder my outlook on life.

I'm sorry if you don't agree with my decision but it was mine to make.

tests.

2003-04-24T04:35:58Z

I scored
37½%
on the classic 400 Point Purity Test!

Take the test here!